i didn't sleep very well and when i got home i was looking at both phones. i wanted to hear your voice but i was too afraid you'd be sleeping. you've waited long enough. i wanted to hear you say you missed me and you love me. i wasn't feeling better when i got home.
not that i wore heels cause i was accustomed to that manner due to ballroom dancing. but the fact that i went to a debut and didn't enjoy it. i didn't like the atmosphere and my tummy hurts. there was no mefenamic acid when i ventured the streets of Malate. neither was there a sign of you. everywhere i looked i remember you. from DOTA posters to BLUE colored places. from McDonald stands to Starbucks outlets. everything i saw reminded me of you. and how i wished text would travel fast so i could receive your reply.
now i know why i don't have a cellphone. it's because it makes me wait for you reply. it makes me wonder. i makes me think. that if the reply arrived early i'd be in total bliss and if it didn't maybe you're too busy. it makes me think of everything and anything while you are not with me. it makes me think of the time when we texted a lot. when i was expecting your reply despite the dozen of people who texted me. like all i wanted was for you to care. and not to constantly tell me stories about your highschool crush. *now you understand why im bitter* when i said maybe things could work out between you two. i didn't mean. of course i didn't want you to be with her. you deserve much better. you deserve me.
or so i think. with the numerous times i made you cry and the time i broke a promise and lied. the times when i didn't understand you. and the times you thought i didn't understand you. maybe you don't feel loved by me. if yes, i need to be better.
when you said you wanted to fix your life for us to be together again, i was afraid. afraid you'd grow to fast and think i'm so yesterday. so immature and so boring. i was scared of losing you. i know you'd go far. you'd succeed in life. you can do anything you can. and i sometimes think if you didn't meet me you'd still be an achiever. even if you don't come to class. sometimes, i think i'm a distraction. that you should be doing something much better other than talking to me or being with me. you need personal space. i should give it to you. i don't want you to be tired.
i'll give up everything for you. my hopes, my dreams and everything that defined who i was. i can give up things i could never give up before just for you. i can do everything you want me to do. just love me. i want you to love me. i need you to love me. not because you don't. i just want to say it.
i can't afford to loose you. but if i did. i'd do anything to get you back.
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