i've got issues

walang sense. kasi 'di ko naman dapat mafeel ang insecurity. pero nafefeel ko s'ya. when you said that the person passed away, natakot ako. magaling lang ako magtago ng takot.

yup. i've got issues. i want to tell you pero tulog ka na. pagaling ka ha. i love you. pasok ka. pero 'pag 'di mo pa din kaya, REST KA! health mo mas important. ok? ^_^

hi drew

pagaling ka

hmm.

i can't sleep. it's raining. i'm scared. kumukulog e. hug ko na lang si andrei. sana nandito ka. sige tatry ko ulit matulog. bago na nga pa la YM ko. kara.gfoster add mo ko. naiinis na ko sa highschool friends. gusto ko silang lahat idelete. wala silang kwenta. di ko sila friend.

phone call

am still waiting for you. i actually knew na hindi ikaw ang nagbaba ng phone. and it makes me not want to go there much more. it is not really about you. seriously. it's about your family. alam mo na naman na in the first place takot ako sa mom mo. and i now know na hindi s'ya takot. ok mom mo. no doubt about that. and i thank her, that if it wasn't for her "mistake" she would not have given birth to you and if she didn't raise you that way - i would not have know who you are and what have you become. and i actually want to thank her for that. kasi i am so secured with you. and i love you the way you are. and what you will be. ^_^

kaso nga lang, ayoko lang talaga. uncomfortable din ako. halata naman e. do i talk when she is around. rare! nagsasalita lang ako kapag HYPER ako. and i'm not in the idea of her and me being close. nakakatakot. huhu. takot talaga ako. pero ganoon talaga e. ok lang. casual talks pero walang personal talks. siguro when it comes to marriage. but then again. *whistle*

first day high

you are sweet.

"achusness." more notebook talks during anmath1 ok? sure pass na din naman tayo e. kasi papasok na ko sa AnMath1. ang boring talaga ni ruivivar pero okay s'ya. naaalala ko yun Analytical Geometry teacher ko sa kanya. na kausap lagi yun board pero once nakinig ka, you are bound to pick up something. makikinig na ko kapag Limits na at Derivatives. para mahasa ang powers ko. for now, 'wag muna. i reremember ko na lang ang skills ko sa mga Conic Functions.

mukha ba kong bata? na kawawa.

hay grabe naman ang buhay. kailangan ko ng libro na may mga words na Engineering, Circuit Analysis at kung ano pa. para naman may props ako para (hopefully) maka FOURpointZERO ako sa NetAnal. pero natutuwa ako sa subject na 'yon. i would absolutely learn to love that subject. siguro nga talagang pang Network Engineering ako kasi i love Physics and Electronics. at sana matutunan din nila ako mahalin tulad ng pagmamahal ko sa kanila. mahirap yata yun unrequited love.


natutuwa ka ba kapag kasama mo ako? or nabobored ka. ay wait lang haha alam mo ba na si Denize ayaw kay Jayjay. ayaw niya daw muna ng relationship ngayon college. Ayoko namang ibreak yun spirit ni Jayjay. Gaah. Heartbroken na naman s'ya. tapos si Aids at Leslie close friends na lang. parang nag step down yun feelings ni Aids for Leslie kasi naiilang si Leslie. Ayun ngayon super close na ulit sila. Mas gusto ni Aids ng ganoon. at least hindi naiilang si Leslie. tapos si joc. kamusta na kaya yun lalakeng yun? Buti nakapasok si Mac sa Anmath1 no? or else delayed s'ya. Hirap nun chong.

enough sa buhay nila. hehe. i miss your hugs na drew. ang sarap mo maghug sobra. it makes my hear melt everytime you hug me. aw. i miss your hugs already. it was fun answering all those blogthings with you last night. at least NOW i know you are so CHARISMATIC. that could be the reason why i fell for you. because i can't resist that SMILE and those EYES! *kilig* pero walang biro kinikilig ako ngayon. naiimagine kasi kita e. namimiss ko na din yun tawa mo. na sobrang musika sa pandinig ko. mahal na mahal kita.

and you always make my heart skip a song.

i love you *mwah*

..hold on dear life

i love that song. there is something about it that makes me repeat it a whole lot of times.

As the sun shined, down on me,
I know with you in love is where I wanna be,
sometimes, I go on through life,
thinking that love is something that's not meant for me,

yep. sometimes i think i don't deserve this kind of love. but i'm glad i have it. and i won't ever let it go. and i hope you won't. love is something that is two way. and i'm pretty sure you won't let go of the other end. i'm happy to be spending forever with you. and God has given you to me at the perfect moment at the perfect time. in the perfect place and perfect situation. maybe God sees time. even though time is just a mere approximation. God understands the human mind. and human heart. and he understood that i need you.

things

i want you to..

• be there for me even though you feel like i don't need you. simply because i need you ALWAYS
• give me a tulip for my eighteenth birthday. a single one will do. i don't need a bouquet. i just need ONE that came from you.
• take care of me when i'm sick. and just look at me even though i hide under the pillows.
• wake up with a kiss. when i least expect it. and when i haven't brushed my teeth yet.
• take a picture of me even when i don't want to. and when i feel ugly. and a picture of us every time we see each other.
  
• take me out to the fireworks with you.
• wake me up on my birthday.
• cook me your specialty.(and you already did. CORNED BEEF? ^_^)
• squish me when i lay on my belly.

i may sound selfish but i want to

• hug you tight when the winds are strong, when it's cold and
• kiss you when it's raining and we're all wet. and the rain will keep pouring harder as we kiss.
• hug you when you're doing something. even when you get irritated. i will just hug you tighter.
• help you when you don't know something and i know it.
• help you reach your dreams.
  
• hear you laugh your heart out. and know that you laughed because of me.
• make you feel special everyday of OUR lives.
• wake you up in your sleep. and serve you breakfast while in bed. ^_^
• give you a violin for you birthday. and i would.
• spend christmas with you. (while we aren't living together)
• get married when were 25 ^_^
• take you to the beach and watch the sun rise with you.
• sleep with you. and really SLEEP. haha.
  
• be with you for 24 HOURS without sleeping. ^_^
  
• wake you up on your birthday. and kiss you.
• give you a sunflower on our 1024th day. (secret ang date chong ^_^)
• give you a pillow for you to hug when you miss me.

and a whole lot more that have not yet crossed my mind. maybe when i remember them, i'll put them here. :)

hello drew

i'm a bit down and maybe it's because i've been feeling that no one wants to listen to me. maybe just you. i got so use to the fact that everytime people ask me they ask what's happening with everybody else. not me. siguro mahirap pero ok lang. nasanay na din ako e. parang something inside of me wishes that someday someone would finally ask me "kamusta ka na gwen" in the sense that they really DO CARE about me and what is happening in my life.

sometimes people just figure things out. the things that are happening to me not really asking me what is it with me. or maybe since i never really wanted to be understood and i'm not fond of sharing my emotions. ang hirap. parang someday i want to at least feel that someone does care for me and who would be there for me when i need them the most. not because they need me. parang alot of people befriend me only to feel good about themselves. then i figure out that even without them my life does not change. parang ganoon.

hay ewan ko ba. parang wala akong "friend" na may pake sakin. mga user lang silang lahat. naiinis ako. minsan gusto ko naman maalagaan. malaman kung ano ba kaya ko. pero tama na siguro. hindi naman ata mangyayari yoon. sabagay wala naman kasi akong gusto at ayokong magpaalaga. kaya siguro walang nag aalaga sakin.

ako din pa la may gawa ng sarili kong inaasam.

psssssssst

tagal ko na pa lang hindi nagpopost MISS NA KITA HOY LALAKE PUMUNTA KA NA DITO SA BAHAY! GUSTO NA KITA MAYAKAP! MAKASAMA! wala lang. miss lang kita. ako na nga lang pupunta dyan T_T

drew

i'm bored and i want to be with you. waaaaah can't wait for tomorrow ^_^ todooooooo. i wish i wiiiiiiiish i wisssshhy wishy wish. na magkasama na tayo

may 06

psssssssssst. kanta ka. or else di ako matutulog. hahaha

if you're reading this

i have one request.

can you right me a letter? :)

isolation

i was suppose to write on my multiply blog. but what the heck. ayokong may mga makaalam. haha isa akong close minded na person and im not open for debate this time around.

drew, i dont want you to isolate yourself. kasi nakakaguilty sobra :( nalulungkot ako na parang your whole life depends on me.

.. :)

不管,我將愛您.
您是我的全部.

101 days.

dear andrew joseph tantongco alegre,
first of all, i want to thank you for being there for me. for saying that you love me and for meaning it everytime. for saying sorry when you've done nothing wrong and for teaching me to be patient, to be forgiving and to be understanding of the situations that happen. i want to thank you for being there for me, if not always by my side, by the heart. you've made me secure enough to face the world. to face my fears and to face myself.
second, i want to tell you i'm sorry. for doubting you. for being so shallow at times. for constantly teasing you and for nothing being there when you need me. i hope to be your shelter when you have nowhere to go. i hope to be the sun that keeps you warm. i hope to be the stars that guide you at night and i hope to be the girl who would always be by your side.
lastly, i want to wish you all the love in the world. not just the love i could offer but the love of friends and family. that you may find other people who would help you grow into what you could be and that would help you in your way when i am not ME. please tell me when you've found this special friend. because i would want to meet the person who can help you reach your dreams. after all, no man is an island and we are all hear to help each other. build each other and simply be there for each other.
i really really love you.

mahal kita.
sobra.

with love, gwen

one hundred days down.

i'm sorry ang bigat talaga ng puso ko e. feel ko hindi ako naging friend sa kahit sinong tao and to think that i have not ever met your standard as a friend. sobrang alam ko na imperfect ako at sobrang sana tanggapin mo ko as who i am. and who i will ever be. grabe kasi e. hmph. sobrang hindi ako makahinga ngayon. hindi ko alam kung bakit. siguro dahil kumain ako ng egg kahapon or siguro kasi sa sobrang bigat ng puso ko. hindi ko talaga alam. basta mahal na mahal kita. sana alam mo yun. at wag ka ng malungkot. please

99th day

putek nasaan ka na ha? grr! wag ka na nga pumunta dito. KINAKABAHAN AKO!